...to a new blog: http://www.ourperspektive.blogspot.com/
Thanks for reading.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Ask
"Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him." (1 Corinthians 2:9)Twelve years ago, I prayed for something that altered the course of my life.
When Grace and I received an invitation to go on a third short-term missions trip to Taiwan, I asked the Lord for two things. First, I asked that Faith would be able to go along. She was only 13 at the time, too young to join the team. Still, I wanted her to experience it with us. Even though our appeal on her behalf had already been denied, for some strange reason, I asked God anyway to make a way for her to go. Secondly, Dad had been paying our previous trips out of his retirement fund. I realized this method wasn't going to work forever, so I asked the Lord to provide for our trip some other way.
The Lord answered my prayer a month later when IBLP asked our entire family to help start their Taiwan office. It was not the answer I wanted, but I knew He had answered loud and clear.
Leaving America was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but I can now see how it was a critical turning point in my life.
A few months ago, the Lord had me pray for something else that altered the course of my life.
On Friday, May 11, my parents spoke to our church singles group about love and marriage. Dad opened that night with Jeremiah 33:3, "Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know." As he read, the Lord singled me out and said, "Karen, I want you to ask Me to show you something."
That night, upon returning to my room, I thought through the day's events and said, "OK, Lord, You told me to ask, so...I'm asking. Show me something great that I don't know."
That night, I dreamt that Luke Kallberg was interested in me.
I woke up the next morning thinking, "Wow--too much talk about love and relationships." I brushed off the dream and went on with my very single life.
Monday morning, however, Dad called me into his office. As I sat down, he said, "I wasn't going to tell you this, but I think you need to know that Luke Kallberg called two weeks ago to ask to court you."
"Oh no..." My mind reeled with the ramifications of this news. For the past two months, I had been praying that Luke could help us with VOICE. We needed him. Now he was ruining my perfect plans.
I managed to tell Dad I'd pray about how to respond and returned to my desk. As I tried focusing my attention toward the computer, I prayed, "God, how am I going to tell him no?"
The Lord responded, "Why are you going to tell him no?"
Confused, I replied, "Uhhh, because he's Luke Kallberg?"
"Karen, you asked Me for this."
"Lord, I did not ask You for Luke Kallberg."
All day, I argued with the Lord. By the time I went to bed, I thought I was losing my mind, and so I prayed, "Lord, if You're serious about this, could You please show me in Your Word?"
The next morning, I woke up, wondering if it had all been a dream. So I turned to the next chapter of Isaiah, and in Isaiah 33:2, I read, "O LORD, be gracious to us; we have waited for You."
So the Lord said to me, "Karen, I know you've been waiting all your life for the right person. Luke has also been waiting a long time. I am being gracious to both of you."
"This can't be right," I thought. "I must be reading into the Bible today. I think I'll read the Psalms instead."
So I turned to the next Psalm on my schedule--Psalm 128:
"Blessed is every one who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways. When you eat the labor of your hands, you shall be happy, and it shall be well with you. Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house, Your children like olive plants all around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord. The Lord bless you out of Zion, And may you see the good of Jerusalem all the days of your life. Yes, may you see your children's children. Peace be upon Israel!"
"Lord," I protested, "You are not allowed to gang up with Luke Kallberg against me!"
The Lord responded, "Karen, for years you saw Luke through other people's eyes. I want you to see him from My perspective. He fears Me, I will bless him, and I want you to be a part of that blessing to him."
I was stunned. For the next three days, I pondered what the Lord had shown me. I thought through the qualities I appreciated about Luke. As the list grew, I began to realize that even though I had never made a "wish list," the Lord had heard every fleeting desire of my heart and fulfilled them in Luke. After three days, I had no more room to doubt, so I told Dad that the Lord was directing me to give Luke a fighting chance.
I've been falling in love ever since.
______________________________
For photos of my camping trip out West with his family, click here (Picasa) or here (Facebook).
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 23
Taipei, Taiwan
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Substance for Sacrifice
"...The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD." (Job 1:21)
Ten years ago, when nothing in Taiwan was defined and I was just learning how to set up a Children's Institute, I made a seemingly small decision that later changed my life. We were trying to figure out what kind of people to recruit as interpreters-- we had to nail down prerequisites for their spiritual maturity, their interpreting abilities, and their age. Salvation was a must; I soon discovered that I couldn't be picky about interpreting skills; and to avoid an influx of over-qualified mothers and teachers, I decided the interpreters should be between the ages of 15-30.
At the end of 2005, it was that last prerequisite that led me to pray about my future involvement with the CI. I never planned to stay in Taiwan, much less expected to last for the entire first decade of CI's. But as 30 loomed on the horizon, I knew I had to decide whether I was going to be the exception to the rule or if I would submit to a policy I had established for others years ago.
It did not take long for the Lord to point out how He had been behind that original decision and that, for the good of the ministry, it was time for me to pass the baton. And so I began to pray, to recruit new staff, to map out training, to figure out a feasible transition plan.
God's timing is impeccable. The crucial day of transition took place the day after my 31st birthday. After I introduced Hannah as the new Teacher Trainer, I sat down and, for the first time, took notes as someone else trained the assistants. When Large Group began that night, instead of taking my place on stage, I found myself at the back of the room, blinking back tears as the children called up someone other than "Jia An Jie."
Painful? YES. But I knew it was right. So many times throughout the trip, I asked the Lord why I couldn't have given up a ministry I didn't love so much. And He'd remind me of a divine encounter I had with Elisabeth Elliot years ago, when she told me, "It is the things you love most that is substance for sacrifice."
It is in the surrender of my affections-- even that which is good, that which He gave me in the first place-- that I declare Christ as First, Foremost, Only, All.
At the end of 2005, it was that last prerequisite that led me to pray about my future involvement with the CI. I never planned to stay in Taiwan, much less expected to last for the entire first decade of CI's. But as 30 loomed on the horizon, I knew I had to decide whether I was going to be the exception to the rule or if I would submit to a policy I had established for others years ago.
It did not take long for the Lord to point out how He had been behind that original decision and that, for the good of the ministry, it was time for me to pass the baton. And so I began to pray, to recruit new staff, to map out training, to figure out a feasible transition plan.
God's timing is impeccable. The crucial day of transition took place the day after my 31st birthday. After I introduced Hannah as the new Teacher Trainer, I sat down and, for the first time, took notes as someone else trained the assistants. When Large Group began that night, instead of taking my place on stage, I found myself at the back of the room, blinking back tears as the children called up someone other than "Jia An Jie."
Painful? YES. But I knew it was right. So many times throughout the trip, I asked the Lord why I couldn't have given up a ministry I didn't love so much. And He'd remind me of a divine encounter I had with Elisabeth Elliot years ago, when she told me, "It is the things you love most that is substance for sacrifice."
It is in the surrender of my affections-- even that which is good, that which He gave me in the first place-- that I declare Christ as First, Foremost, Only, All.
______________________________
"I need everything God gives me, and want nothing He denies me." (Joseph Elliot)
______________________________
To see a reflection on the first decade of CI's, click here.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 22
Taipei, Taiwan
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Jealous
"...to be absent from the body [is] to be present with the Lord." (2 Corinthians 5:8)
Said good-bye to my friend Claire the other day.
When I received the email asking me to visit her in the hospital, my heart sank. She was ready, but was I? What on earth would I say?
I thought back to the beginning of our friendship ten years ago. She was a new believer with a lot of questions and a desire to practice English. That was how our paths crossed. Later on, I watched her head toward seminary and then to our daughter church near Danshui to head up the fledgling ministry there.
When I saw her earlier this year, she looked frail. She wasn't feeling well, couldn't shake her cough.
Three months later, the doctor said she had cancer.
Cancer.
The word sent a ripple of shock and sadness through our church. We prayed-- but for what? For healing to continue her life on earth? Or for healing to continue her life in Heaven?
When I received the email, I knew it was time to come to terms with God's answer. So Sunday afternoon, I climbed into the back seat of an elder's car and headed to the hospital. As he wound through Taipei traffic, I wracked my brain to figure out what I'd say.
We pulled into the hospital, took the elevator up to the seventh floor and found her room. Before we even pushed the door open, we could hear faint strains of someone singing inside. We stole in to find Claire sitting up in bed, hunched forward, breathing heavily through an inhalator but listening to the words of "He Hideth My Soul." We flipped to that hymn and quietly joined in.
What I didn't say then, I want to say now.
For the past couple months, Grace and Faith have been taking turns being out of the office. This implies a myriad of things-- one of which is the fact that they get to hang out with some dear friends...without me. I can't help but feel a bit jealous. How can I not be when they get to spend time face to face with people I love?
On Monday afternoon, Claire left to meet my dearest Friend of all.
I confess there was a time when I did not anticipate Heaven at all.
Now I can honestly say...
I'm jealous.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 21
Taipei, Taiwan
Said good-bye to my friend Claire the other day.
When I received the email asking me to visit her in the hospital, my heart sank. She was ready, but was I? What on earth would I say?
I thought back to the beginning of our friendship ten years ago. She was a new believer with a lot of questions and a desire to practice English. That was how our paths crossed. Later on, I watched her head toward seminary and then to our daughter church near Danshui to head up the fledgling ministry there.
When I saw her earlier this year, she looked frail. She wasn't feeling well, couldn't shake her cough.
Three months later, the doctor said she had cancer.
Cancer.
The word sent a ripple of shock and sadness through our church. We prayed-- but for what? For healing to continue her life on earth? Or for healing to continue her life in Heaven?
When I received the email, I knew it was time to come to terms with God's answer. So Sunday afternoon, I climbed into the back seat of an elder's car and headed to the hospital. As he wound through Taipei traffic, I wracked my brain to figure out what I'd say.
We pulled into the hospital, took the elevator up to the seventh floor and found her room. Before we even pushed the door open, we could hear faint strains of someone singing inside. We stole in to find Claire sitting up in bed, hunched forward, breathing heavily through an inhalator but listening to the words of "He Hideth My Soul." We flipped to that hymn and quietly joined in.
When clothed in His brightness, transported I riseI knew that cancer and chemo had ravaged her body, still I was not wholly prepared to see how close she was to death. She was tired from all the visitors that day, so we didn't tarry. Elder Pan prayed, and then we took turns giving her a gentle hug good-bye, blinking back tears that spilled over anyway.
To meet Him in clouds of the sky,
His perfect salvation, His wonderful love,
I'll shout with the millions on high.
What I didn't say then, I want to say now.
For the past couple months, Grace and Faith have been taking turns being out of the office. This implies a myriad of things-- one of which is the fact that they get to hang out with some dear friends...without me. I can't help but feel a bit jealous. How can I not be when they get to spend time face to face with people I love?
On Monday afternoon, Claire left to meet my dearest Friend of all.
I confess there was a time when I did not anticipate Heaven at all.
Now I can honestly say...
I'm jealous.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 21
Taipei, Taiwan
Monday, February 27, 2006
His Captive Audience
"I will sing to the LORD, for He has triumphed gloriously! The horse and its rider He has thrown into the sea! The LORD is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation; He is my God, and I will praise Him; my father's God, and I will exalt Him." (Exodus 15:1-2)
A Reflection on Taiwan/Hong Kong 2006, as written for tibungla.com
There is nothing quite like the desperation of being trapped-- caught between the Red Sea and Pharaoh's army, the choice of death by drowning or further slavery, the noise of terrified followers and your former captors. Yet you know that God brought you here, and so you watch Him set the stage for what could only be a miracle.
Many a time on this trip, I wavered between fear and faith. On the eve of our departure for Hong Kong, the Lord took me back to the Red Sea. I imagined myself standing with Moses and realized that the difference between him and the rest of the Israelites was his confidence in the will and power of God. He did not panic, because the reality of God was greater than the reality of his circumstances.
That is what God taught me on this trip. He is not limited by my circumstances or my limitations. He will show His power-- the question is whether or not I have the faith to anticipate and watch for it. That is when the desperation of being trapped turns into a rush of adrenaline as we watch the sea part before our very eyes.
There is nothing like being God's captive audience.
He is my God, and I will praise Him.
__________________________________
To those who prayed for us:
Thank you for fighting with us in the spiritual realm. Thank you for sharing your loved ones with us. Thank you from the families of Taiwan, Hong Kong, and from the bottom of my heart.
______________________________
For photos, visit my blog at www.xanga.com/im2bize2blog.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 20
Taipei, Taiwan
A Reflection on Taiwan/Hong Kong 2006, as written for tibungla.com
There is nothing quite like the desperation of being trapped-- caught between the Red Sea and Pharaoh's army, the choice of death by drowning or further slavery, the noise of terrified followers and your former captors. Yet you know that God brought you here, and so you watch Him set the stage for what could only be a miracle.
Many a time on this trip, I wavered between fear and faith. On the eve of our departure for Hong Kong, the Lord took me back to the Red Sea. I imagined myself standing with Moses and realized that the difference between him and the rest of the Israelites was his confidence in the will and power of God. He did not panic, because the reality of God was greater than the reality of his circumstances.
That is what God taught me on this trip. He is not limited by my circumstances or my limitations. He will show His power-- the question is whether or not I have the faith to anticipate and watch for it. That is when the desperation of being trapped turns into a rush of adrenaline as we watch the sea part before our very eyes.
There is nothing like being God's captive audience.
He is my God, and I will praise Him.
__________________________________
To those who prayed for us:
Thank you for fighting with us in the spiritual realm. Thank you for sharing your loved ones with us. Thank you from the families of Taiwan, Hong Kong, and from the bottom of my heart.
______________________________
For photos, visit my blog at www.xanga.com/im2bize2blog.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 20
Taipei, Taiwan
Sunday, January 29, 2006
The Hope of Divine Intervention
"And Moses said to the people, 'Do not be afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which He will accomplish for you today...'" (Exodus 14:13)
Imagine...
The roar of waves crashing before you, the thunder of hooves, the crack of whips, punctuated with Egyptian threats behind you, and the wail of desperate complaints around you...
How did Moses face the Red Sea without caving to the fear that he had brought the people to die in the wilderness? How did he have faith when circumstances mocked his faith and his God?
After two back-to-back seminars, my voice and health caved as we said good-bye to the Kaohsiung children on Friday. Thankfully (providentially), we had a few days off for Chinese New Year. Tomorrow we leave for Hong Kong to conduct the first ever Children's Institute in that city. We currently have 264 children registered and only enough interpreters for perhaps 8 teams... which means possibly 30+ children per team. On Wednesday, we get into the facility at 1:00 to set-up and train, and the seminar begins at 6:00. Somehow, I need to relearn all the songs and verses in Cantonese. I have over 100 late passes that didn't make it into the mail before Chinese New Year. The potential for mayhem and chaos makes it incredibly difficult not to cave in to fear and anxiety.
Somehow Moses managed to detach himself from the circumstances that clamored for his attention. He kept his gaze on the One who would not be limited by waves or chariots or fear of demise. Somehow he realized that desperate situations only provided greater potential for Divine Intervention.
Oh, to see that Divine Intervention this week!
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 19
Taipei, Taiwan
Imagine...
The roar of waves crashing before you, the thunder of hooves, the crack of whips, punctuated with Egyptian threats behind you, and the wail of desperate complaints around you...
How did Moses face the Red Sea without caving to the fear that he had brought the people to die in the wilderness? How did he have faith when circumstances mocked his faith and his God?
After two back-to-back seminars, my voice and health caved as we said good-bye to the Kaohsiung children on Friday. Thankfully (providentially), we had a few days off for Chinese New Year. Tomorrow we leave for Hong Kong to conduct the first ever Children's Institute in that city. We currently have 264 children registered and only enough interpreters for perhaps 8 teams... which means possibly 30+ children per team. On Wednesday, we get into the facility at 1:00 to set-up and train, and the seminar begins at 6:00. Somehow, I need to relearn all the songs and verses in Cantonese. I have over 100 late passes that didn't make it into the mail before Chinese New Year. The potential for mayhem and chaos makes it incredibly difficult not to cave in to fear and anxiety.
Somehow Moses managed to detach himself from the circumstances that clamored for his attention. He kept his gaze on the One who would not be limited by waves or chariots or fear of demise. Somehow he realized that desperate situations only provided greater potential for Divine Intervention.
Oh, to see that Divine Intervention this week!
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 19
Taipei, Taiwan
Sunday, May 15, 2005
"Where Is Your Faith?"
"For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them." (Matthew 18:20)
When Rose told me about the city-wide prayer rally on Sunday, my first question was, "What will happen if it rains?" She looked at me reproachfully and said, "It won't. Where is your faith?"
I guess you could say that I went to find that faith, when Dad and I joined 30,000 other believers in Hong Kong for the Worldwide Day of Prayer rally at the Hong Kong Stadium.
It was hot and sticky, but there was not only no sign of rain, thick clouds also shielded us from the sun's unmerciful rays. When a refreshing breeze swept through the stadium, the crowd broke out in grateful applause. I couldn't help but remember the first Pentecost and thought, "The Spirit is here."
For the next two hours, the Lord swept me up into His presence as we worshipped, confessed our sins, and prayed for the world.
And then He gripped my heart as the camera zeroed in on China's flag. "This flag represents 1.3 billion people," said the MC. "Turn with me to the North Side of the stadium, lift up your hands, and let us bless our country."
How does one pray for 1.3 billion people? My mind flew from the country villages to the cities, the elderly to the youth, the house church to the Three Self Church, the ordinary citizen to the government officials, the educators to the entertainers... This flag not only represents who I am, but also what I am not. Tears streamed down my face as I turned toward the North and uplifted that great country before the throne of Heaven.
If the Lord honors the prayers of two or three, what do you think He does with the prayers of 30,000?
______________________________
"And seek the peace of the city where I have caused you to be carried away captive, and pray to the LORD for it; for in its peace you will have peace." (Jeremiah 29:7).
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 18
Hong Kong, China
When Rose told me about the city-wide prayer rally on Sunday, my first question was, "What will happen if it rains?" She looked at me reproachfully and said, "It won't. Where is your faith?"
I guess you could say that I went to find that faith, when Dad and I joined 30,000 other believers in Hong Kong for the Worldwide Day of Prayer rally at the Hong Kong Stadium.It was hot and sticky, but there was not only no sign of rain, thick clouds also shielded us from the sun's unmerciful rays. When a refreshing breeze swept through the stadium, the crowd broke out in grateful applause. I couldn't help but remember the first Pentecost and thought, "The Spirit is here."
For the next two hours, the Lord swept me up into His presence as we worshipped, confessed our sins, and prayed for the world.
And then He gripped my heart as the camera zeroed in on China's flag. "This flag represents 1.3 billion people," said the MC. "Turn with me to the North Side of the stadium, lift up your hands, and let us bless our country."
How does one pray for 1.3 billion people? My mind flew from the country villages to the cities, the elderly to the youth, the house church to the Three Self Church, the ordinary citizen to the government officials, the educators to the entertainers... This flag not only represents who I am, but also what I am not. Tears streamed down my face as I turned toward the North and uplifted that great country before the throne of Heaven.If the Lord honors the prayers of two or three, what do you think He does with the prayers of 30,000?
______________________________
"And seek the peace of the city where I have caused you to be carried away captive, and pray to the LORD for it; for in its peace you will have peace." (Jeremiah 29:7).
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 18
Hong Kong, China
Sunday, May 01, 2005
Stars of the Earth
"The heaves declare the glory of God..." (Psalm 19:1)
"What time is it?"
"9:00."
"Are you serious? It feels like 11:00!"
Friday night, I found myself joining some friends and teachers for a picnic at Li Yu Lake in Hualien. It was firefly season, and the government had blocked off a section of the road, so tourists could behold fireflies in all their glory.
I laughed. We who grew up with fireflies in our backyard would never hold a month-long "Firefly Festival." As my friends and I rode through town, our driver Daniel pointed out banners which heralded firefly season. He told us that fireflies have a very short life span. They come out specifically to find a mate, reproduce, and die—all within the space of seven to ten days.
That made me think. I couldn't help but wonder why God bothered to create fireflies. They were of no apparent benefit to mankind, except perhaps to the businesses who profited off the festival.
After another round of hot pot and tea, the teachers finally started packing up their picnic gear. That was when I overheard the auntie say, "We'll take you to Red Roof Village to have a look around."
What? It was already 10:30 and another hour's drive back. We were going to make another stop?
We followed the caravan up a narrow tree-lined road that wound up the mountain. I was looking for red roofs, when the cars in front of us stopped suddenly. Why were we stopping in the middle of nowhere? Someone climbed out and motioned for us to turn off our headlights.
I climbed out like everyone else, and the fun began. I watched in amusement as pinpoints of light appeared along the side of the road. Fireflies! So this is why we came. The teachers shouted gleefully as they collected fireflies in water bottles and bags in hopes of cultivating their own firefly colony back home. Our friend Shu-Ling gathered her niece and nephew and said, "Look! Stars of the earth!"
Stars of the earth. I looked up through the canopy of trees to the velvet sky above, where the stars declared the glory of God. Fireflies danced around us.
All of a sudden, I knew the answer to my question. Why did God create fireflies? Aside from scientific reasons, He made them simply for His glory and our pleasure. Shame crept into my heart as I began to realize how the non-Christian teachers enjoyed His creation more than I.
It was late when we arrived back in Xincheng, but that was OK. I had learned more about my Creator through the stars of the earth.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 17
Taipei, Taiwan
"What time is it?"
"9:00."
"Are you serious? It feels like 11:00!"
Friday night, I found myself joining some friends and teachers for a picnic at Li Yu Lake in Hualien. It was firefly season, and the government had blocked off a section of the road, so tourists could behold fireflies in all their glory.
I laughed. We who grew up with fireflies in our backyard would never hold a month-long "Firefly Festival." As my friends and I rode through town, our driver Daniel pointed out banners which heralded firefly season. He told us that fireflies have a very short life span. They come out specifically to find a mate, reproduce, and die—all within the space of seven to ten days.
That made me think. I couldn't help but wonder why God bothered to create fireflies. They were of no apparent benefit to mankind, except perhaps to the businesses who profited off the festival.
After another round of hot pot and tea, the teachers finally started packing up their picnic gear. That was when I overheard the auntie say, "We'll take you to Red Roof Village to have a look around."
What? It was already 10:30 and another hour's drive back. We were going to make another stop?
We followed the caravan up a narrow tree-lined road that wound up the mountain. I was looking for red roofs, when the cars in front of us stopped suddenly. Why were we stopping in the middle of nowhere? Someone climbed out and motioned for us to turn off our headlights.
I climbed out like everyone else, and the fun began. I watched in amusement as pinpoints of light appeared along the side of the road. Fireflies! So this is why we came. The teachers shouted gleefully as they collected fireflies in water bottles and bags in hopes of cultivating their own firefly colony back home. Our friend Shu-Ling gathered her niece and nephew and said, "Look! Stars of the earth!"
Stars of the earth. I looked up through the canopy of trees to the velvet sky above, where the stars declared the glory of God. Fireflies danced around us.
All of a sudden, I knew the answer to my question. Why did God create fireflies? Aside from scientific reasons, He made them simply for His glory and our pleasure. Shame crept into my heart as I began to realize how the non-Christian teachers enjoyed His creation more than I.
It was late when we arrived back in Xincheng, but that was OK. I had learned more about my Creator through the stars of the earth.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 17
Taipei, Taiwan
Monday, January 03, 2005
Into His Arms
"Even my own familiar friend in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has lifted up his heel against me" (Psalm 41:9)
A good friend recently decided to cut off all communication with me.
Shock settled into hurt. Hurt turned into anger. Anger seethed into bitterness. And bitterness, like poison, gnawed away at my soul. In the days that followed, rejection followed me like a hangover—it was the first thing that hit me in the morning and the last thing that haunted me as I drifted off to sleep.
It's been a long time since I've felt the bitter sting of betrayal.
I awoke Friday morning with a heavy heart. This was not exactly how I wanted to end the year. Gloomy thoughts hung over me like a cloud as I jogged to the track and ran my laps. Round and round I went, rehearsing all the scathing retorts my mind could conceive. I was part-way through the third lap, when a thought interrupted Retort #276: "You're spending more time figuring out how to tell off your friend than you are in venting directly to God. You're focusing more on yourself and how you've been hurt than on the Lord and His purposes for letting this happen."
With that revelation, the Lord began to do what I could not do for myself. That night, He broke me as the church began to sing "Be Still, My Soul."
By saying yes to Him and no to myself, I found myself entering the new year... in His arms.
Can't beat that. ;-)
______________________________
"And God will wipe away every tear..." (Revelation 21:4)
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 16
Taipei, Taiwan
A good friend recently decided to cut off all communication with me.
Shock settled into hurt. Hurt turned into anger. Anger seethed into bitterness. And bitterness, like poison, gnawed away at my soul. In the days that followed, rejection followed me like a hangover—it was the first thing that hit me in the morning and the last thing that haunted me as I drifted off to sleep.
It's been a long time since I've felt the bitter sting of betrayal.
I awoke Friday morning with a heavy heart. This was not exactly how I wanted to end the year. Gloomy thoughts hung over me like a cloud as I jogged to the track and ran my laps. Round and round I went, rehearsing all the scathing retorts my mind could conceive. I was part-way through the third lap, when a thought interrupted Retort #276: "You're spending more time figuring out how to tell off your friend than you are in venting directly to God. You're focusing more on yourself and how you've been hurt than on the Lord and His purposes for letting this happen."
With that revelation, the Lord began to do what I could not do for myself. That night, He broke me as the church began to sing "Be Still, My Soul."
Be still, my soul, the Lord is on thy side;The Refiner's fire burned steadily, patiently, but with increasing intensity. Figuratively speaking, I felt like I had been grabbing my friend by the scruff of the neck, but with each line and verse of that song, my fingers loosened their hold. As I surrendered to Jesus, He reached down from Heaven and began to unravel the emotional knots in my heart, freeing me from bitterness, erasing my anger, soothing my pain, and most importantly, drawing me to Himself. The more I surrendered, the closer He drew me.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order or provide
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul, thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
By saying yes to Him and no to myself, I found myself entering the new year... in His arms.
Can't beat that. ;-)
______________________________
"And God will wipe away every tear..." (Revelation 21:4)
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 16
Taipei, Taiwan
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
The Fingerprints of God
"You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you." (John 15:16)
VOICE-- Desiring God's Stamp of Approval
"How can we tell God is still leading us?"
My Rhumba was melting and my Italian chicken bread growing cold. I knew what Dad was about to say.
"How many applications do we need to continue with plans for VOICE*?"
'Twas the eve of our VOICE application deadline, and we were having the dreaded father - daughter, director - event coordinator talk. I had heard that exact same question in 2002, when he canceled because of post-9/11 terrorist threats and then in 2003, when SARS hit Taiwan. He wanted to put out the same fleece again-- asking God to confirm His will by giving us a certain number of applications. He wanted 32. I talked him down to 26 (for logistical purposes), yet I knew we only had 5 in hand. My mind reeled with the implications of canceling... again.
It was a refining moment... for VOICE and for me. Was the Lord testing my willingness to yield to His lordship or was He testing my faith?
On one hand, I knew that while I was event coordinator for VOICE, God was calling the shots. That is perhaps the trickiest aspect of my work-- relinquishing control again and again and again. No matter what I'm doing and how good it might be, Jesus is still Lord. He must have ultimate control.
On the other hand, I could not deny God's leading for VOICE up till that point. He had given us the support of IBLP's International Department. The King Car Education Foundation was advertising the conference across Taiwan. Rowan and Zach had prayed about (agonized over) and finally committed to helping us. Doug was already adapting his TESOL course to the ins and outs of our program. How could I possibly tell them that the God who led them to help with VOICE was now canceling?
Through the cloud of doubts surfaced a single question: Why not pray that God would confirm His will by bringing in 26 applications? Did I not believe He was able? And so I found myself crying out, "Lord, I want to see 26 applications. I want Your will, but my faith is small. Help Thou my unbelief!"
As my feeble prayer rose to Heaven, God continued the work He had begun. Student after student filled out and faxed in their application. Michelle received our staff invitation the day she asked God to confirm whether or not she should go to Africa for the summer. Guy after guy turned down our staff invitation, until we tracked down Anthony in Malaysia. He hadn't given Taiwan much thought until he joined us for VOICE... and now he's in Taiwan teaching English for a year.
And so it was, that when Dad arrived in Detroit, Michigan on Tuesday, July 27, with no more and no less than 26 people, we were absolutely certain it was God's will.
And there in God's will we found assurance and confidence to embark on our next great adventure.
______________________________
VOICE (Visualizing Opportunities in Character and English) was a month-long conference in Michigan. Conference participants included (1) ATI students taking TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages) and interested in using it for missions, (2) English teachers from Taiwan, mostly unbelievers, also taking TESOL, and (3) high school and college-aged students from Taiwan, primarily from Christian families, receiving training in discipleship and English.
______________________________
"If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 15
Taipei, Taiwan
VOICE-- Desiring God's Stamp of Approval
"How can we tell God is still leading us?"
My Rhumba was melting and my Italian chicken bread growing cold. I knew what Dad was about to say.
"How many applications do we need to continue with plans for VOICE*?"
'Twas the eve of our VOICE application deadline, and we were having the dreaded father - daughter, director - event coordinator talk. I had heard that exact same question in 2002, when he canceled because of post-9/11 terrorist threats and then in 2003, when SARS hit Taiwan. He wanted to put out the same fleece again-- asking God to confirm His will by giving us a certain number of applications. He wanted 32. I talked him down to 26 (for logistical purposes), yet I knew we only had 5 in hand. My mind reeled with the implications of canceling... again.
It was a refining moment... for VOICE and for me. Was the Lord testing my willingness to yield to His lordship or was He testing my faith?
On one hand, I knew that while I was event coordinator for VOICE, God was calling the shots. That is perhaps the trickiest aspect of my work-- relinquishing control again and again and again. No matter what I'm doing and how good it might be, Jesus is still Lord. He must have ultimate control.
On the other hand, I could not deny God's leading for VOICE up till that point. He had given us the support of IBLP's International Department. The King Car Education Foundation was advertising the conference across Taiwan. Rowan and Zach had prayed about (agonized over) and finally committed to helping us. Doug was already adapting his TESOL course to the ins and outs of our program. How could I possibly tell them that the God who led them to help with VOICE was now canceling?
Through the cloud of doubts surfaced a single question: Why not pray that God would confirm His will by bringing in 26 applications? Did I not believe He was able? And so I found myself crying out, "Lord, I want to see 26 applications. I want Your will, but my faith is small. Help Thou my unbelief!"
As my feeble prayer rose to Heaven, God continued the work He had begun. Student after student filled out and faxed in their application. Michelle received our staff invitation the day she asked God to confirm whether or not she should go to Africa for the summer. Guy after guy turned down our staff invitation, until we tracked down Anthony in Malaysia. He hadn't given Taiwan much thought until he joined us for VOICE... and now he's in Taiwan teaching English for a year.
And so it was, that when Dad arrived in Detroit, Michigan on Tuesday, July 27, with no more and no less than 26 people, we were absolutely certain it was God's will.
And there in God's will we found assurance and confidence to embark on our next great adventure.
______________________________
VOICE (Visualizing Opportunities in Character and English) was a month-long conference in Michigan. Conference participants included (1) ATI students taking TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages) and interested in using it for missions, (2) English teachers from Taiwan, mostly unbelievers, also taking TESOL, and (3) high school and college-aged students from Taiwan, primarily from Christian families, receiving training in discipleship and English.
______________________________
"If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 15
Taipei, Taiwan
Sunday, September 26, 2004
Coping with the Adult Child Syndrome
"'Honor your father and mother,' which is the first commandment with promise: 'that it may go well with you and you may live long on the earth.'" (Ephesians 6:2-3)
Today I heard myself say, "Dad, I'm Twenty-EIGHT!"
I was half asking, half mentioning that I'd like to visit friends next weekend. I've been thinking about it for the past two weeks and finally finished schedule swapping at church to clear my weekend for the trip. Dad's response?
"You know we need to get ready for Character First-- promotion, English materials, CD, DVD..." He didn't need to remind me. I was painfully aware of all these deadlines-- comes with too much work, too little time, and too little help. As the conversation stepped up in intensity, I reacted to the fact that he felt he still needed to remind me... after nine years of working long hours to meet my deadlines. I wondered if he was using deadlines as an easy way to say no to his adult daughter. Did he realize that most 28-year olds don't even bother to ask their parents for permission to do things? I bit my tongue more than once. But the more I stewed, the faster the tears fell.
Then through the crossfire in my heart, a quiet voice asked, Could the Lord be trying to say something through my dad? Have I missed something despite all my thinking things out and praying? Is this God's will or is Karen just trying to get her way?
You see, it's not about what my parents say, it's about what the Lord is trying to say through my parents. It's not about what my parents do, it's about what the Lord is trying to do in my life through my parents. The more certain I become of God's will, the fewer conflicts I have with them.
And that is how I face life on the home front as an adult child.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 14
Taipei, Taiwan
Today I heard myself say, "Dad, I'm Twenty-EIGHT!"
I was half asking, half mentioning that I'd like to visit friends next weekend. I've been thinking about it for the past two weeks and finally finished schedule swapping at church to clear my weekend for the trip. Dad's response?
"You know we need to get ready for Character First-- promotion, English materials, CD, DVD..." He didn't need to remind me. I was painfully aware of all these deadlines-- comes with too much work, too little time, and too little help. As the conversation stepped up in intensity, I reacted to the fact that he felt he still needed to remind me... after nine years of working long hours to meet my deadlines. I wondered if he was using deadlines as an easy way to say no to his adult daughter. Did he realize that most 28-year olds don't even bother to ask their parents for permission to do things? I bit my tongue more than once. But the more I stewed, the faster the tears fell.
Then through the crossfire in my heart, a quiet voice asked, Could the Lord be trying to say something through my dad? Have I missed something despite all my thinking things out and praying? Is this God's will or is Karen just trying to get her way?
You see, it's not about what my parents say, it's about what the Lord is trying to say through my parents. It's not about what my parents do, it's about what the Lord is trying to do in my life through my parents. The more certain I become of God's will, the fewer conflicts I have with them.
And that is how I face life on the home front as an adult child.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 14
Taipei, Taiwan
Thursday, September 16, 2004
My Umbrella Escort
"Then He said to them, 'The harvest truly is great, but the laborers are few; therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest.'" (Luke 10:2)
China, Part 2 (April 2004)
I stumbled out of the van, disoriented and bleary-eyed from my nap. Justin leaned over and muttered, "Shoot like crazy. We'll need all the photos we can get of this place."
I forced myself to follow, assembling the Nikon D100 and shaking the cobwebs of sleep from my mind. I wasn't sure where "this place" was or what I was supposed to shoot. All I saw were empty buildings and wooded property. How was I supposed to capture the essence of a place I neither knew nor understood?
A gentle spring rain began to fall, forcing me to juggle the camera, a camera bag, and a bright red square umbrella. It was awkward to say the least. Mr. Li, seeing my trouble, asked a young man in military fatigues to escort me.
My quiet escort followed me all over the property, ever careful to shield me as I shot buildings, doorways, fountains, walkways, and ponds. This was once a military compound. Chiang Kai Shek himself had lived and walked and taught here. It was once filled with soldiers who lived and died for China. Now the property was empty, save for a handful of students like my escort.
When I wasn't shooting, I asked him questions. He told me a little about his life-- here at the compound and also back at home in the mountains. His tribe had selected him and four other students, ages of 18-23, for a special education program headed up by Mr. Li to equip them with skills which they could use to help their tribes. This was his first time away from home.
His answers were polite, respectful, punctuated regularly by a shy smile. His face was soft, unhardened. There was a purity about him that moved me. I was talking to a boy, who had not (yet) been tainted or hardened by the world.
When preparing for this second trip to China, I was all too aware of my decision not to go to Pinghu. Still I wanted to see everything through the eyes of my Father. I wanted to gain more of His heart.
And so, even months later, I cannot shake the memory of a young man in military fatigues, tucked away in a forgotten corner of China-- on the brink of opportunity and eternity.
I hope we meet again.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 13
Taipei, Taiwan
China, Part 2 (April 2004)
I stumbled out of the van, disoriented and bleary-eyed from my nap. Justin leaned over and muttered, "Shoot like crazy. We'll need all the photos we can get of this place."
I forced myself to follow, assembling the Nikon D100 and shaking the cobwebs of sleep from my mind. I wasn't sure where "this place" was or what I was supposed to shoot. All I saw were empty buildings and wooded property. How was I supposed to capture the essence of a place I neither knew nor understood?
A gentle spring rain began to fall, forcing me to juggle the camera, a camera bag, and a bright red square umbrella. It was awkward to say the least. Mr. Li, seeing my trouble, asked a young man in military fatigues to escort me.
My quiet escort followed me all over the property, ever careful to shield me as I shot buildings, doorways, fountains, walkways, and ponds. This was once a military compound. Chiang Kai Shek himself had lived and walked and taught here. It was once filled with soldiers who lived and died for China. Now the property was empty, save for a handful of students like my escort.
When I wasn't shooting, I asked him questions. He told me a little about his life-- here at the compound and also back at home in the mountains. His tribe had selected him and four other students, ages of 18-23, for a special education program headed up by Mr. Li to equip them with skills which they could use to help their tribes. This was his first time away from home.
His answers were polite, respectful, punctuated regularly by a shy smile. His face was soft, unhardened. There was a purity about him that moved me. I was talking to a boy, who had not (yet) been tainted or hardened by the world.
When preparing for this second trip to China, I was all too aware of my decision not to go to Pinghu. Still I wanted to see everything through the eyes of my Father. I wanted to gain more of His heart.
And so, even months later, I cannot shake the memory of a young man in military fatigues, tucked away in a forgotten corner of China-- on the brink of opportunity and eternity.
I hope we meet again.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 13
Taipei, Taiwan
Monday, May 17, 2004
Ready to Go, Willing to Stay
"So Jesus answered and said, 'Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel's, who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time-- houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions-- and in the age to come, eternal life.'" (Mark 10:29-30)
China, Part 1
Back in February, I was offered a position at a school... in Pinghu, China.
I listened quietly, while Dr. Huang painted a verbal picture of the school, the position, the responsibilities, the perks. I kept silent, but my mind raced between the past and the future, resting in the present only to process what he was saying.
The offer turned my world upside down. What if God was calling me to go? Could I part with the things I love in Taiwan? Could I give up the ministry He's entrusted to me here? Could I bear the unknowns and pressures that may well come with this job? Could I say good-bye to my two homes-- and more importantly, to my family?
I thought and prayed and cried all weekend. Sunday morning, a verse in worship service startled me: "...Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel's, who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time..." (Mark 10:29-30) For His sake. I confess that, in our nine years of family ministry, I have wondered-- even longed-- to go off and live on my own... but for my sake. Would I be willing to give up everything I hold dear for His sake?
The Refiner's fire burned steadily yet mercifully, laying my heart bare before the eyes of my Heavenly Father. I sat down in Dad's office that afternoon, heart heavy and eyes brimming with tears. There I sobbed out my surrender to the Lord. If this offer was from Him, I was willing to follow Him-- alone-- into China.
It has been a long time since the Lord has asked me to die to something so definitely. And yet-- as He gave Isaac back to Abraham, so He gave my family and Taiwan back to me. Dad talked more with the leaders of the school and decided that this was not yet God’s time for me to go. I may go someday, but not today, not now. So why did He let me go through all that emotional trauma, if He knew I was just going to stay put? Perhaps because He is more concerned with my journey than He is with my destination. He cares more that I am willing than that I actually go. As my friend Andrea once shared, He wants to know that I am “ready to go, willing to stay.”
So stay I shall… for now.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 12
Taipei, Taiwan
China, Part 1
Back in February, I was offered a position at a school... in Pinghu, China.
I listened quietly, while Dr. Huang painted a verbal picture of the school, the position, the responsibilities, the perks. I kept silent, but my mind raced between the past and the future, resting in the present only to process what he was saying.
The offer turned my world upside down. What if God was calling me to go? Could I part with the things I love in Taiwan? Could I give up the ministry He's entrusted to me here? Could I bear the unknowns and pressures that may well come with this job? Could I say good-bye to my two homes-- and more importantly, to my family?
I thought and prayed and cried all weekend. Sunday morning, a verse in worship service startled me: "...Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel's, who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time..." (Mark 10:29-30) For His sake. I confess that, in our nine years of family ministry, I have wondered-- even longed-- to go off and live on my own... but for my sake. Would I be willing to give up everything I hold dear for His sake?
The Refiner's fire burned steadily yet mercifully, laying my heart bare before the eyes of my Heavenly Father. I sat down in Dad's office that afternoon, heart heavy and eyes brimming with tears. There I sobbed out my surrender to the Lord. If this offer was from Him, I was willing to follow Him-- alone-- into China.
It has been a long time since the Lord has asked me to die to something so definitely. And yet-- as He gave Isaac back to Abraham, so He gave my family and Taiwan back to me. Dad talked more with the leaders of the school and decided that this was not yet God’s time for me to go. I may go someday, but not today, not now. So why did He let me go through all that emotional trauma, if He knew I was just going to stay put? Perhaps because He is more concerned with my journey than He is with my destination. He cares more that I am willing than that I actually go. As my friend Andrea once shared, He wants to know that I am “ready to go, willing to stay.”
So stay I shall… for now.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 12
Taipei, Taiwan
Saturday, March 27, 2004
Don't Know Much About History... but here's what I DO know
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me..." (Psalm 23:4)
If I have children one day...
...I would tell them how, on the afternoon of March 19, 2004, Tim burst through the office door to say that President Chen had been injured by a firecracker. We later learned that it was not a firecracker, but a gunshot wound. "Assassination attempt..." screamed headlines. The government declared a national security alert.
I would tell them how, on the morning of March 20, my 93-year old Wai Gong donned his vest of many pockets, picked up his walking stick, and headed out the door to cast his vote for Ticket #2-- Lien Chan and James Soong. Why? Simple-- he knew Lien Chan's father.
I would tell them how curiosity drove me to visit the polls that afternoon. I joined a small crowd in the garage of Hsin-Yi Friendship Presbyterian and watched election volunteers reach into the ballot box and announce each vote. I would tell them how the crowd erupted, when one volunteer reader accidentally credited a vote to the wrong ticket. "How can this vote be accurate with mistakes like that?!?" The air was thick with tension.
I would tell them how all of Taiwan was glued to the television that evening-- at home, on the street, in restaurants and shops-- each person willing the number of votes for their candidate to rise. The race was nail-bitingly close.
I would tell them how President Chen and Vice President Lu won by an "hairbreadth margin" of 0.2% (~30,000 votes), how over 300,000 ballots were ruled invalid, and how the national security alert kept the military from voting. I would tell them how we listened to Candidate Lien's concession speech and how several thousand KMT supporters sat in front of the Presidential Palace for the next few days, demanding a recount.
I would tell them how politics dominated meal time conversation around the country-- even in our ABC home. Hushed rumors developed into bold questions and then outright accusations.
I would tell them how this election divided Taiwan-- and not just party against party. The division created rifts in businesses, schools, communities, churches, and even families.
If I remember all these details, I will tell them to my children and-- if I'm around long enough-- to their children. Most importantly, however, I will tell them how I had a choice to wait out the election in America. I chose to return, because I believe that my God is still in control. I believe that He is scripting His story despite the personal prejudices, mistakes, plots, and ignorance of man.
The morning of March 21, I led the choir in singing "Psalm 23." The song verbalized my reasons for coming back. The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want. I will follow Him through green pastures, beside still waters, and even into the valley of the shadow of death. I will fear no evil, for my Shepherd is with me. He will never leave me nor forsake me.
And that is what I'd want my children to know most of all.
______________________________
"And seek the peace of the city where I have caused you to be carried away captive, and pray to the LORD for it; for in its peace you will have peace." (Jeremiah 29:7)
______________________________
Photo Journal
What my Canon IXUS would tell you about the March 20 elections...
I wandered around for awhile (trying to look inconspicuous) before I found this back classroom at Ku-Ting Elementary. While a police officer watched from the doorway, two volunteer workers took turns holding up the next ballot and announcing each vote: "Number 1, 1 vote... Number 1, 1 vote... Number 2, 1 vote..."
Meanwhile, two other volunteer workers echoed each vote verbally and then marked the vote on the official tally chart.
Ballots were then sorted into three piles: Ticket #1, Ticket #2, and Invalid (ballots that were purposefully misstamped to protest both tickets).
Those who were not watching the count live gathered around the nearest television to watch the election results pour in from around the country.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 11
Taipei, Taiwan
If I have children one day...
...I would tell them how, on the afternoon of March 19, 2004, Tim burst through the office door to say that President Chen had been injured by a firecracker. We later learned that it was not a firecracker, but a gunshot wound. "Assassination attempt..." screamed headlines. The government declared a national security alert.
I would tell them how, on the morning of March 20, my 93-year old Wai Gong donned his vest of many pockets, picked up his walking stick, and headed out the door to cast his vote for Ticket #2-- Lien Chan and James Soong. Why? Simple-- he knew Lien Chan's father.
I would tell them how curiosity drove me to visit the polls that afternoon. I joined a small crowd in the garage of Hsin-Yi Friendship Presbyterian and watched election volunteers reach into the ballot box and announce each vote. I would tell them how the crowd erupted, when one volunteer reader accidentally credited a vote to the wrong ticket. "How can this vote be accurate with mistakes like that?!?" The air was thick with tension.
I would tell them how all of Taiwan was glued to the television that evening-- at home, on the street, in restaurants and shops-- each person willing the number of votes for their candidate to rise. The race was nail-bitingly close.
I would tell them how President Chen and Vice President Lu won by an "hairbreadth margin" of 0.2% (~30,000 votes), how over 300,000 ballots were ruled invalid, and how the national security alert kept the military from voting. I would tell them how we listened to Candidate Lien's concession speech and how several thousand KMT supporters sat in front of the Presidential Palace for the next few days, demanding a recount.
I would tell them how politics dominated meal time conversation around the country-- even in our ABC home. Hushed rumors developed into bold questions and then outright accusations.
I would tell them how this election divided Taiwan-- and not just party against party. The division created rifts in businesses, schools, communities, churches, and even families.
If I remember all these details, I will tell them to my children and-- if I'm around long enough-- to their children. Most importantly, however, I will tell them how I had a choice to wait out the election in America. I chose to return, because I believe that my God is still in control. I believe that He is scripting His story despite the personal prejudices, mistakes, plots, and ignorance of man.
The morning of March 21, I led the choir in singing "Psalm 23." The song verbalized my reasons for coming back. The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want. I will follow Him through green pastures, beside still waters, and even into the valley of the shadow of death. I will fear no evil, for my Shepherd is with me. He will never leave me nor forsake me.
And that is what I'd want my children to know most of all.
______________________________
"And seek the peace of the city where I have caused you to be carried away captive, and pray to the LORD for it; for in its peace you will have peace." (Jeremiah 29:7)
______________________________
Photo Journal
What my Canon IXUS would tell you about the March 20 elections...
I wandered around for awhile (trying to look inconspicuous) before I found this back classroom at Ku-Ting Elementary. While a police officer watched from the doorway, two volunteer workers took turns holding up the next ballot and announcing each vote: "Number 1, 1 vote... Number 1, 1 vote... Number 2, 1 vote..."
Meanwhile, two other volunteer workers echoed each vote verbally and then marked the vote on the official tally chart.
Ballots were then sorted into three piles: Ticket #1, Ticket #2, and Invalid (ballots that were purposefully misstamped to protest both tickets).
Those who were not watching the count live gathered around the nearest television to watch the election results pour in from around the country.______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 11
Taipei, Taiwan
Saturday, February 14, 2004
I Can't Be Your Valentine
"May He remember all your offerings, and accept your burnt sacrifice. Selah. May He grant you according to your heart's desire, and fulfill all your purpose." (Psalm 20:3-4)
Confession: Three years ago, someone asked my father for permission to court me. For various reasons (which I will explain later), I never gave him a definite answer. In December, I received the dreaded phone call: I had one day to decide what I had allowed to sit on the back burner for three years-- was I going to give this courtship a chance?
How does a girl decide the rest of her life in just 24 hours? How does she know if her concept of love and marriage is shaped by God's Word or merely the influence and experiences of others? How does she know if what she wants is God's will or her own-- or if the two might be the same?
My mind reeled with these questions and more as I considered why I'd say yes and why I hadn't said yes, why I'd say no and why I hadn't said no. I talked to my family and a few close friends. Most importantly, however, I brought the matter before my Heavenly Father. If this was a match made in heaven, I had to know for sure; and only He could show me.
Long story short, I had several reasons for saying no, but I had one reason for not saying no-- and that is what sealed my decision. That night, the Holy Spirit sifted through my questions and brought me face to face with the ugly truth: I had hung onto this possible courtship for fear of never receiving a "better offer" (yes, thank you, Jane Austen, for likening marriage to a rare business opportunity). In saying no, I had to reconcile myself to the possibility of staying single for the rest of my life. Could I be content with that? Could I surrender my marriage to the Lord as a "burnt sacrifice"?
In the darkness of that night, my spiritual commitment to wait for God's best took on flesh and bones. If I was going to trust God to give me His best, I could not hold on to anything less. Yes, the world oft times reminds me that the pool of good men is shrinking. I believe, however, that if someone was not intended for me (no matter how good he may be), my "prospects" were not shrinking but narrowing. If the Lord scripted marriage for my life, I can be certain that He is bringing us closer day by day... whether I know him now or not.
And so, my friends, I have found peace in saying no. I'll continue this journey of Singleness as long as it is God's best for me. And as long as it's His plan for you, you will never be alone.
______________________________
"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matthew 6:33-34)
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 10
Taipei, Taiwan
Confession: Three years ago, someone asked my father for permission to court me. For various reasons (which I will explain later), I never gave him a definite answer. In December, I received the dreaded phone call: I had one day to decide what I had allowed to sit on the back burner for three years-- was I going to give this courtship a chance?
How does a girl decide the rest of her life in just 24 hours? How does she know if her concept of love and marriage is shaped by God's Word or merely the influence and experiences of others? How does she know if what she wants is God's will or her own-- or if the two might be the same?
My mind reeled with these questions and more as I considered why I'd say yes and why I hadn't said yes, why I'd say no and why I hadn't said no. I talked to my family and a few close friends. Most importantly, however, I brought the matter before my Heavenly Father. If this was a match made in heaven, I had to know for sure; and only He could show me.
Long story short, I had several reasons for saying no, but I had one reason for not saying no-- and that is what sealed my decision. That night, the Holy Spirit sifted through my questions and brought me face to face with the ugly truth: I had hung onto this possible courtship for fear of never receiving a "better offer" (yes, thank you, Jane Austen, for likening marriage to a rare business opportunity). In saying no, I had to reconcile myself to the possibility of staying single for the rest of my life. Could I be content with that? Could I surrender my marriage to the Lord as a "burnt sacrifice"?
In the darkness of that night, my spiritual commitment to wait for God's best took on flesh and bones. If I was going to trust God to give me His best, I could not hold on to anything less. Yes, the world oft times reminds me that the pool of good men is shrinking. I believe, however, that if someone was not intended for me (no matter how good he may be), my "prospects" were not shrinking but narrowing. If the Lord scripted marriage for my life, I can be certain that He is bringing us closer day by day... whether I know him now or not.
And so, my friends, I have found peace in saying no. I'll continue this journey of Singleness as long as it is God's best for me. And as long as it's His plan for you, you will never be alone.
______________________________
"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matthew 6:33-34)
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 10
Taipei, Taiwan
Sunday, January 11, 2004
Return to Jerusalem
"For who has known the mind of the LORD? Or who has become His counselor?" (Romans 11:34)
Have you ever had the nagging feeling that perhaps somewhere you misunderstood God's will and made a choice that forever altered the life you could have had? If only I had studied at _________ University (or in my case, gone to university period), I could be _________. Or if only I tried _________, I could be _________. Or if only I had _________, I could be married...
I confess that I have occasionally wondered where the life I'm living will take me. In ten years, will I be sitting at the same desk, working for the same boss, and doing the same thing while the rest of my family and peers have "moved on with life"?
I found myself asking the same question about Paul as I waded through the book of Acts this past month. I wondered why he chose to go to Jerusalem, when the Lord sent so many brothers and sisters to warn him of certain imprisonment. I wondered if he appealed to Caesar too rashly, especially when Agrippa turned to Festus and said, "This man might have been set free if he had not appealed to Caesar" (Acts 26:32). Did Paul miss a turn somewhere? What would his life had been like if he had NOT returned to Jerusalem?
I don't know the answer to that last question, but the more I read, the more certain I became that Paul was in the center of God's will when he took that last journey to Jerusalem and when he appealed to Caesar. The night after his first trial in Jerusalem, the Lord assured him, "Be of good cheer, Paul; for as you have testified for Me in Jerusalem, so you must also bear witness at Rome" (Acts 23:11). Luke concluded the book beautifully as he described Paul's imprisonment in Rome: "Then Paul dwelt two whole years in his own rented house, and received all who came to him, preaching the kingdom of God and teaching the things which concern the Lord Jesus Christ with all confidence, no one forbidding him" (Acts 28:30-31, emphasis mine). Whereas Paul once had freedom to travel from city to city preaching the Gospel, imprisonment offered him what freedom could not-- a hearing with the rulers of the Roman Empire and protection from the persecution that dogged his steps in the early years of his ministry. What an amazing Savior we have that would send Paul to the most unreachable hearts in the Roman Empire! What a wise God we serve to provide Paul with a place to "settle down" and pen some of his greatest epistles, which have supplied "food for thought" to generations of believers. "Oh the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out!" (Romans 11:33)
No one would have chosen imprisonment for Paul, but I suspect that if he had to choose all over again, he would set his face toward Jerusalem like a flint. God may not have called me to Jerusalem at this point in my life, but obeying Him in the little things of ordinary life is just as much a part of His will as Paul's return to Jerusalem.
So Lord, keep me in the center of Your will from day to day. Let nothing sway me from obedience. And let there be no regrets.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 9
Taipei, Taiwan
Have you ever had the nagging feeling that perhaps somewhere you misunderstood God's will and made a choice that forever altered the life you could have had? If only I had studied at _________ University (or in my case, gone to university period), I could be _________. Or if only I tried _________, I could be _________. Or if only I had _________, I could be married...
I confess that I have occasionally wondered where the life I'm living will take me. In ten years, will I be sitting at the same desk, working for the same boss, and doing the same thing while the rest of my family and peers have "moved on with life"?
I found myself asking the same question about Paul as I waded through the book of Acts this past month. I wondered why he chose to go to Jerusalem, when the Lord sent so many brothers and sisters to warn him of certain imprisonment. I wondered if he appealed to Caesar too rashly, especially when Agrippa turned to Festus and said, "This man might have been set free if he had not appealed to Caesar" (Acts 26:32). Did Paul miss a turn somewhere? What would his life had been like if he had NOT returned to Jerusalem?
I don't know the answer to that last question, but the more I read, the more certain I became that Paul was in the center of God's will when he took that last journey to Jerusalem and when he appealed to Caesar. The night after his first trial in Jerusalem, the Lord assured him, "Be of good cheer, Paul; for as you have testified for Me in Jerusalem, so you must also bear witness at Rome" (Acts 23:11). Luke concluded the book beautifully as he described Paul's imprisonment in Rome: "Then Paul dwelt two whole years in his own rented house, and received all who came to him, preaching the kingdom of God and teaching the things which concern the Lord Jesus Christ with all confidence, no one forbidding him" (Acts 28:30-31, emphasis mine). Whereas Paul once had freedom to travel from city to city preaching the Gospel, imprisonment offered him what freedom could not-- a hearing with the rulers of the Roman Empire and protection from the persecution that dogged his steps in the early years of his ministry. What an amazing Savior we have that would send Paul to the most unreachable hearts in the Roman Empire! What a wise God we serve to provide Paul with a place to "settle down" and pen some of his greatest epistles, which have supplied "food for thought" to generations of believers. "Oh the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out!" (Romans 11:33)
No one would have chosen imprisonment for Paul, but I suspect that if he had to choose all over again, he would set his face toward Jerusalem like a flint. God may not have called me to Jerusalem at this point in my life, but obeying Him in the little things of ordinary life is just as much a part of His will as Paul's return to Jerusalem.
So Lord, keep me in the center of Your will from day to day. Let nothing sway me from obedience. And let there be no regrets.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 9
Taipei, Taiwan
Sunday, October 12, 2003
While It Is Yet Night
"She also rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household..." (Proverbs 31:15)
The moment I set foot in New Zealand, I began a mental list of everything I needed to learn before the team arrived. Driving on the wrong side of the road was top priority. Arranging meals was a close second.
"Oh, no one eats out in the South Island," one mother cheerfully informed us. "Restaurants are so expensive. There are some takeaways, but almost everyone cooks at home. If the place where you're staying has a kitchen, you can cook your meals!"
Cook? That wasn't part of my job description! I could count all the recipes I knew on one hand-- and still have fingers left! What in the world was I going to do?
I hoped she was wrong; and, thanks to the internet, I was able to arm my Clie with lists of all the affordable restaurants and takeaways I could find. I also stocked up on granola bars and Tim Tams (one of my favorite cookies), hoping they would tide us over when restaurants were scarce.
Sunday morning, as we met our travel-weary team at the Wellington airport, I suddenly realized that they might be hungry... and despite my preparations, I still had no idea what to do. "Stay cool," I told myself. While everyone unpacked (I was trying to buy time), I nonchalantly asked the hostel receptionist if there were any inexpensive places to eat. Half an hour later, we paraded through New World, a grocery chain across the street, with the sandwiches and takeaways we selected. Whew-- one meal down, twenty-two more to go.
Later that evening, I returned to New World to get fixings for lunch the next day. Someone had warned me that meat was rather pricey, so with the words "expensive" and "budget" in mind, I bought one slice of turkey and cheese per person. I got just enough bread and extra lettuce to make up the difference. Unfortunately, the lady who prepared my turkey couldn't count... so one girl got a BLT with only extra L.
With that reputation haunting me, I found myself going to three grocery stores one night just to find meat for lunch wraps the next day. No luck. Finally, we asked Subway if they might sell us their meat. Again, no luck-- however, they were open 24/7, so we could place an order and pick it up the next morning.
Mornings came awfully early in New Zealand. We headed into the still slumbering town of Queenstown at 5:30 the next morning. As promised, Subway was open and our order was almost ready.
I stifled a yawn as I waited. Never thought I'd be doing this in New Zealand. Suddenly, I remembered a verse that almost made me laugh aloud-- "She also rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household." Was the Lord giving me a taste of motherhood?!?
I went to New Zealand to help with a photography course. Instead, the Lord taught me to make grocery lists, brave the kitchen (with the help of my girls who already knew how to cook), run errands, balance the petty cash, and learn a little of the sacrifice my mother has made for me all these years. Through it all, the Lord taught me that there is more to life than my desk job and more to ministry than doing seminars. True servanthood is not determined by what I do, but how I do it and for Whom.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 8
Taipei, Taiwan
The moment I set foot in New Zealand, I began a mental list of everything I needed to learn before the team arrived. Driving on the wrong side of the road was top priority. Arranging meals was a close second.
"Oh, no one eats out in the South Island," one mother cheerfully informed us. "Restaurants are so expensive. There are some takeaways, but almost everyone cooks at home. If the place where you're staying has a kitchen, you can cook your meals!"
Cook? That wasn't part of my job description! I could count all the recipes I knew on one hand-- and still have fingers left! What in the world was I going to do?
I hoped she was wrong; and, thanks to the internet, I was able to arm my Clie with lists of all the affordable restaurants and takeaways I could find. I also stocked up on granola bars and Tim Tams (one of my favorite cookies), hoping they would tide us over when restaurants were scarce.
Sunday morning, as we met our travel-weary team at the Wellington airport, I suddenly realized that they might be hungry... and despite my preparations, I still had no idea what to do. "Stay cool," I told myself. While everyone unpacked (I was trying to buy time), I nonchalantly asked the hostel receptionist if there were any inexpensive places to eat. Half an hour later, we paraded through New World, a grocery chain across the street, with the sandwiches and takeaways we selected. Whew-- one meal down, twenty-two more to go.
Later that evening, I returned to New World to get fixings for lunch the next day. Someone had warned me that meat was rather pricey, so with the words "expensive" and "budget" in mind, I bought one slice of turkey and cheese per person. I got just enough bread and extra lettuce to make up the difference. Unfortunately, the lady who prepared my turkey couldn't count... so one girl got a BLT with only extra L.
With that reputation haunting me, I found myself going to three grocery stores one night just to find meat for lunch wraps the next day. No luck. Finally, we asked Subway if they might sell us their meat. Again, no luck-- however, they were open 24/7, so we could place an order and pick it up the next morning.
Mornings came awfully early in New Zealand. We headed into the still slumbering town of Queenstown at 5:30 the next morning. As promised, Subway was open and our order was almost ready.
I stifled a yawn as I waited. Never thought I'd be doing this in New Zealand. Suddenly, I remembered a verse that almost made me laugh aloud-- "She also rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household." Was the Lord giving me a taste of motherhood?!?
I went to New Zealand to help with a photography course. Instead, the Lord taught me to make grocery lists, brave the kitchen (with the help of my girls who already knew how to cook), run errands, balance the petty cash, and learn a little of the sacrifice my mother has made for me all these years. Through it all, the Lord taught me that there is more to life than my desk job and more to ministry than doing seminars. True servanthood is not determined by what I do, but how I do it and for Whom.______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 8
Taipei, Taiwan
Wednesday, October 01, 2003
Love at First Sight
"But the land which you cross over to possess is a land of hills and valleys, which drinks water from the rain of heaven, a land for which the LORD your God cares..." (Deuteronomy 11:11-12)
New Zealand is a photographer's paradise. Here are eight reasons why I fell in love with the country...
The view of Wellington from the peak of Mt. Victoria. We braved a wind that would put Chicago's wind to shame in order to shoot this picture.
"Stop, Rowan!" He didn't always comply, but this time he pulled over, so that we could shoot our first snow-capped mountain.
We heard fantastic stories about the Peninsula Seal Colony, but the lady at the Kaikoura Information Centre warned us that the seals came and went as they pleased. Only one seal pleased to grace us with his presence that day... and he got plenty of attention.
Sunrise over Christchurch. We crawled out of bed at what some might call a godly hour for our destination: Godley Head. As the road narrowed and wound around the hills, we prayed we wouldn't run into any oncoming traffic... but we forgot to mention livestock. A certain cow around a certain bend made sure all of us-- especially our driver-- were awake.
Cathedral Square, Christchurch. Cathedral Square was not just a place of worship, it was a community-- for coffee addicts (Starbucks was just across the square), chess players, children, adults, and tourists alike. By 9:30, half a dozen men had already gathered around to watch and comment on the ongoing chess game.
Marton. One of millions of sheep in New Zealand. This one resided in the field by the Arahina Training Centre.
Huka Falls, Taupo. What stood out to me was the power of the rapids and the startling clarity of the water. Got to love that shade of blue and green.
The New Zealand Experience Team at Doubtful Sound (minus Rowan who didn't trust anyone else to take this picture). As Rowan's assistant, one of my jobs included arranging meals. Thankfully, this team didn't mind being guinea pigs.
Thanks to all who prayed for me. If I could recount all of my stories, you'd know that Someone heard... and answered!
______________________________
For daily updates and photos of the trip, visit ips.iblp.org.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 7
Taipei, Taiwan
New Zealand is a photographer's paradise. Here are eight reasons why I fell in love with the country...
The view of Wellington from the peak of Mt. Victoria. We braved a wind that would put Chicago's wind to shame in order to shoot this picture.
"Stop, Rowan!" He didn't always comply, but this time he pulled over, so that we could shoot our first snow-capped mountain.
We heard fantastic stories about the Peninsula Seal Colony, but the lady at the Kaikoura Information Centre warned us that the seals came and went as they pleased. Only one seal pleased to grace us with his presence that day... and he got plenty of attention.
Sunrise over Christchurch. We crawled out of bed at what some might call a godly hour for our destination: Godley Head. As the road narrowed and wound around the hills, we prayed we wouldn't run into any oncoming traffic... but we forgot to mention livestock. A certain cow around a certain bend made sure all of us-- especially our driver-- were awake.
Cathedral Square, Christchurch. Cathedral Square was not just a place of worship, it was a community-- for coffee addicts (Starbucks was just across the square), chess players, children, adults, and tourists alike. By 9:30, half a dozen men had already gathered around to watch and comment on the ongoing chess game.
Marton. One of millions of sheep in New Zealand. This one resided in the field by the Arahina Training Centre.
Huka Falls, Taupo. What stood out to me was the power of the rapids and the startling clarity of the water. Got to love that shade of blue and green.
The New Zealand Experience Team at Doubtful Sound (minus Rowan who didn't trust anyone else to take this picture). As Rowan's assistant, one of my jobs included arranging meals. Thankfully, this team didn't mind being guinea pigs.Thanks to all who prayed for me. If I could recount all of my stories, you'd know that Someone heard... and answered!
______________________________
For daily updates and photos of the trip, visit ips.iblp.org.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 7
Taipei, Taiwan
Sunday, September 07, 2003
My Cup Runneth Over
"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." (James 1:17)
It was a gift I thought I did not want. Someone had invited my family to dinner, but I wanted to make my own plans. When dinnertime rolled around, I gritted my teeth, swallowed my complaints, and put on my best pasted smile.
All of that melted, however, when I saw the incredible spread of food and the oil lamps and flowers that graced the tables on the patio. "It's beautiful," I heard myself say.
Our hostess smiled and replied, "A beautiful setting for a beautiful family."
My face flushed with embarrassment... and guilt. Beautiful? I felt anything BUT beautiful. The ugliness of my selfishness taunted me. "You don't deserve any of this," the Holy Spirit whispered. And He was right.
That evening put my entire summer into perspective. I thought of our refreshing, self-imposed SARS quarantine at the Browns' farm... my adventures with Kristi in the back hills of South Carolina and at my first Children's Institute down South... a perfect weekend with some of my closest friends in Arkansas... three packed weeks with a wonderful TESOL class in Oklahoma City... We built mud slides in Iowa, sailed through downtown Chicago at twilight, and played football in Pennsylvania (got to be QB for the first time in my life!). The Lord gave me an opportunity to teacher train at my first Stateside CI and then attend my good friend Melissa's wedding. And if that weren't enough, He's sending me to New Zealand this Tuesday to help out with a two-week photography course!
The Lord has lavished blessing upon blessing, granted desire after desire these last few months-- not because of who I am, but because He is God and He is good.
Last summer, I returned to Taiwan hungry for more vacation, more fun. This year, the Lord used that unwanted dinner invitation to remind me to be grateful for and content with what He has given. And now... my heart is overflowing with the unrestrained goodness of our Lord.
"...my cup runneth over" (Psalm 23:5).
PS: Please pray for me while I'm in New Zealand (Sept 9-27). I will be going somewhere I've never been before to do what I've never done before. I'll tell you about it when I get back. Thanks.
______________________________
Upon the cross of Jesus mine eye at times can see
The very dying form of One Who suffered there for me;
And from my smitten heart with tears two wonders I confess--
The wonders of redeeming love and my unworthiness.
("Beneath the Cross of Jesus" by Elizabeth C. Clephane)
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 6
Taipei, Taiwan
It was a gift I thought I did not want. Someone had invited my family to dinner, but I wanted to make my own plans. When dinnertime rolled around, I gritted my teeth, swallowed my complaints, and put on my best pasted smile.
All of that melted, however, when I saw the incredible spread of food and the oil lamps and flowers that graced the tables on the patio. "It's beautiful," I heard myself say.
Our hostess smiled and replied, "A beautiful setting for a beautiful family."
My face flushed with embarrassment... and guilt. Beautiful? I felt anything BUT beautiful. The ugliness of my selfishness taunted me. "You don't deserve any of this," the Holy Spirit whispered. And He was right.
That evening put my entire summer into perspective. I thought of our refreshing, self-imposed SARS quarantine at the Browns' farm... my adventures with Kristi in the back hills of South Carolina and at my first Children's Institute down South... a perfect weekend with some of my closest friends in Arkansas... three packed weeks with a wonderful TESOL class in Oklahoma City... We built mud slides in Iowa, sailed through downtown Chicago at twilight, and played football in Pennsylvania (got to be QB for the first time in my life!). The Lord gave me an opportunity to teacher train at my first Stateside CI and then attend my good friend Melissa's wedding. And if that weren't enough, He's sending me to New Zealand this Tuesday to help out with a two-week photography course!
The Lord has lavished blessing upon blessing, granted desire after desire these last few months-- not because of who I am, but because He is God and He is good.
Last summer, I returned to Taiwan hungry for more vacation, more fun. This year, the Lord used that unwanted dinner invitation to remind me to be grateful for and content with what He has given. And now... my heart is overflowing with the unrestrained goodness of our Lord.
"...my cup runneth over" (Psalm 23:5).
PS: Please pray for me while I'm in New Zealand (Sept 9-27). I will be going somewhere I've never been before to do what I've never done before. I'll tell you about it when I get back. Thanks.
______________________________
Upon the cross of Jesus mine eye at times can see
The very dying form of One Who suffered there for me;
And from my smitten heart with tears two wonders I confess--
The wonders of redeeming love and my unworthiness.
("Beneath the Cross of Jesus" by Elizabeth C. Clephane)
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 6
Taipei, Taiwan
Tuesday, July 15, 2003
A Bomb Called EMOTION
"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Beware to all who dare to pray, "Lord, keep me humble."
In answer to that innocent prayer, God dropped a bomb called EMOTION that drove away all control and reason from my ordinarily logical being.
A few weeks ago, I left Yankee country to participate in the Atlanta Children's Institute. No, I was not staff-- I was a teacher, who wore "nah-vy blue" and white, cut crafts, wracked my brain to keep the little boys entertained and controlled, and adjusted to the Southern drawl.
This CI served families that attended the Basic Seminar and the Anger Resolution Seminar. I taught Team A1 (Basic Seminar children), so my responsibilities began Monday. The Anger Res Seminar began Thursday, so the staff tried valiantly to recruit new teachers for those children. The Lord gave us three. As last resort, the staff pulled a few Basic Seminar teachers and placed them on brand new teams. Guess who became leader of Team A2? Little ol' moi.
I gathered my things in a daze, trying desperately to maintain control. But as I thought about leaving my team (which included a set of quadruplets-- my quad-shot macchiato-- and a pair of non-identical twins), working with a new assistant, meeting new children, creating a new lesson plan, and doing things like making new bathroom passes, EMOTION hit the pit of my stomach like lead and began to wreak havoc. When my good friend Sarah caught me in the hall and asked, "Karen Chen, are you OK?" I lost it.
With tears streaming down my face, I assured her that I'd be fine. I just needed alone time to regain composure. But when I beheld my bloodshot eyes and bright red nose in the bathroom mirror, I knew it was a lost cause. After fighting back tears for five to ten minutes, I reconciled myself to the reality that I would NOT be able to control myself, and my assistant was going to see me at my worst.
I took a few deep breaths and proceeded towards the classroom. My assistant was already in there cutting crafts for the evening. I nearly sobbed out my greeting:
"Hi, my name is Karen, and I'm not usually like this, but I'll be OK. Really." I added that last word to convince myself more than anyone else.
She looked back and replied calmly, "My name is Brianne. So is this your first CI?"
I choked back both tears and laughter and replied, "No." Somehow I survived the next five minutes until she left for dinner. The empty classroom, however, taunted me with how I had become "high maintenance" and "the point of weakness," so I sought refuge in the only secluded place I could think of... the church graveyard.
I settled down on a granite block and played with the angel hair spaghetti Ginny had gotten for me. Gazing out over the tombstones, I imagined the crises those people had lived through-- war, miscarriage, terminal illness... My musings mercifully led me away from myself to the feet of our Lord. He reminded me that I had asked for humility. He assured me that my worth lay not in what I could accomplish but rather in who I was in Him. What others thought did not matter. There in the graveyard, I learned to surrender my pride and embrace my weakness. And then He began to dry my tears.
I returned to my room a calmer emotional wreck, and there on the white board I found a message from Sarah: "Karen, come find me. I have comassive info."
That "comassive info" was the staff decision to switch me back to my team and make one of my Team A1 assistants the leader of Team A2. I cringed at the thought of them making adjustments for me, but I faced my weakness and accepted it as God's measure of grace for me.
Perhaps no one will ever know just how much the Lord glorified Himself that evening, but I went home much more aware of how utterly helpless I am without Him... and that was exactly where He wanted me.
"...for when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12:10).
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 5
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Beware to all who dare to pray, "Lord, keep me humble."
In answer to that innocent prayer, God dropped a bomb called EMOTION that drove away all control and reason from my ordinarily logical being.
A few weeks ago, I left Yankee country to participate in the Atlanta Children's Institute. No, I was not staff-- I was a teacher, who wore "nah-vy blue" and white, cut crafts, wracked my brain to keep the little boys entertained and controlled, and adjusted to the Southern drawl.
This CI served families that attended the Basic Seminar and the Anger Resolution Seminar. I taught Team A1 (Basic Seminar children), so my responsibilities began Monday. The Anger Res Seminar began Thursday, so the staff tried valiantly to recruit new teachers for those children. The Lord gave us three. As last resort, the staff pulled a few Basic Seminar teachers and placed them on brand new teams. Guess who became leader of Team A2? Little ol' moi.
I gathered my things in a daze, trying desperately to maintain control. But as I thought about leaving my team (which included a set of quadruplets-- my quad-shot macchiato-- and a pair of non-identical twins), working with a new assistant, meeting new children, creating a new lesson plan, and doing things like making new bathroom passes, EMOTION hit the pit of my stomach like lead and began to wreak havoc. When my good friend Sarah caught me in the hall and asked, "Karen Chen, are you OK?" I lost it.
With tears streaming down my face, I assured her that I'd be fine. I just needed alone time to regain composure. But when I beheld my bloodshot eyes and bright red nose in the bathroom mirror, I knew it was a lost cause. After fighting back tears for five to ten minutes, I reconciled myself to the reality that I would NOT be able to control myself, and my assistant was going to see me at my worst.
I took a few deep breaths and proceeded towards the classroom. My assistant was already in there cutting crafts for the evening. I nearly sobbed out my greeting:
"Hi, my name is Karen, and I'm not usually like this, but I'll be OK. Really." I added that last word to convince myself more than anyone else.
She looked back and replied calmly, "My name is Brianne. So is this your first CI?"
I choked back both tears and laughter and replied, "No." Somehow I survived the next five minutes until she left for dinner. The empty classroom, however, taunted me with how I had become "high maintenance" and "the point of weakness," so I sought refuge in the only secluded place I could think of... the church graveyard.
I settled down on a granite block and played with the angel hair spaghetti Ginny had gotten for me. Gazing out over the tombstones, I imagined the crises those people had lived through-- war, miscarriage, terminal illness... My musings mercifully led me away from myself to the feet of our Lord. He reminded me that I had asked for humility. He assured me that my worth lay not in what I could accomplish but rather in who I was in Him. What others thought did not matter. There in the graveyard, I learned to surrender my pride and embrace my weakness. And then He began to dry my tears.
I returned to my room a calmer emotional wreck, and there on the white board I found a message from Sarah: "Karen, come find me. I have comassive info."
That "comassive info" was the staff decision to switch me back to my team and make one of my Team A1 assistants the leader of Team A2. I cringed at the thought of them making adjustments for me, but I faced my weakness and accepted it as God's measure of grace for me.
Perhaps no one will ever know just how much the Lord glorified Himself that evening, but I went home much more aware of how utterly helpless I am without Him... and that was exactly where He wanted me.
"...for when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12:10).
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 5
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
