"May He remember all your offerings, and accept your burnt sacrifice. Selah. May He grant you according to your heart's desire, and fulfill all your purpose." (Psalm 20:3-4)
Confession: Three years ago, someone asked my father for permission to court me. For various reasons (which I will explain later), I never gave him a definite answer. In December, I received the dreaded phone call: I had one day to decide what I had allowed to sit on the back burner for three years-- was I going to give this courtship a chance?
How does a girl decide the rest of her life in just 24 hours? How does she know if her concept of love and marriage is shaped by God's Word or merely the influence and experiences of others? How does she know if what she wants is God's will or her own-- or if the two might be the same?
My mind reeled with these questions and more as I considered why I'd say yes and why I hadn't said yes, why I'd say no and why I hadn't said no. I talked to my family and a few close friends. Most importantly, however, I brought the matter before my Heavenly Father. If this was a match made in heaven, I had to know for sure; and only He could show me.
Long story short, I had several reasons for saying no, but I had one reason for not saying no-- and that is what sealed my decision. That night, the Holy Spirit sifted through my questions and brought me face to face with the ugly truth: I had hung onto this possible courtship for fear of never receiving a "better offer" (yes, thank you, Jane Austen, for likening marriage to a rare business opportunity). In saying no, I had to reconcile myself to the possibility of staying single for the rest of my life. Could I be content with that? Could I surrender my marriage to the Lord as a "burnt sacrifice"?
In the darkness of that night, my spiritual commitment to wait for God's best took on flesh and bones. If I was going to trust God to give me His best, I could not hold on to anything less. Yes, the world oft times reminds me that the pool of good men is shrinking. I believe, however, that if someone was not intended for me (no matter how good he may be), my "prospects" were not shrinking but narrowing. If the Lord scripted marriage for my life, I can be certain that He is bringing us closer day by day... whether I know him now or not.
And so, my friends, I have found peace in saying no. I'll continue this journey of Singleness as long as it is God's best for me. And as long as it's His plan for you, you will never be alone.
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"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matthew 6:33-34)
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Soul Lemonade, No. 10
Taipei, Taiwan
