"'Honor your father and mother,' which is the first commandment with promise: 'that it may go well with you and you may live long on the earth.'" (Ephesians 6:2-3)
Today I heard myself say, "Dad, I'm Twenty-EIGHT!"
I was half asking, half mentioning that I'd like to visit friends next weekend. I've been thinking about it for the past two weeks and finally finished schedule swapping at church to clear my weekend for the trip. Dad's response?
"You know we need to get ready for Character First-- promotion, English materials, CD, DVD..." He didn't need to remind me. I was painfully aware of all these deadlines-- comes with too much work, too little time, and too little help. As the conversation stepped up in intensity, I reacted to the fact that he felt he still needed to remind me... after nine years of working long hours to meet my deadlines. I wondered if he was using deadlines as an easy way to say no to his adult daughter. Did he realize that most 28-year olds don't even bother to ask their parents for permission to do things? I bit my tongue more than once. But the more I stewed, the faster the tears fell.
Then through the crossfire in my heart, a quiet voice asked, Could the Lord be trying to say something through my dad? Have I missed something despite all my thinking things out and praying? Is this God's will or is Karen just trying to get her way?
You see, it's not about what my parents say, it's about what the Lord is trying to say through my parents. It's not about what my parents do, it's about what the Lord is trying to do in my life through my parents. The more certain I become of God's will, the fewer conflicts I have with them.
And that is how I face life on the home front as an adult child.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 14
Taipei, Taiwan
Sunday, September 26, 2004
Thursday, September 16, 2004
My Umbrella Escort
"Then He said to them, 'The harvest truly is great, but the laborers are few; therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest.'" (Luke 10:2)
China, Part 2 (April 2004)
I stumbled out of the van, disoriented and bleary-eyed from my nap. Justin leaned over and muttered, "Shoot like crazy. We'll need all the photos we can get of this place."
I forced myself to follow, assembling the Nikon D100 and shaking the cobwebs of sleep from my mind. I wasn't sure where "this place" was or what I was supposed to shoot. All I saw were empty buildings and wooded property. How was I supposed to capture the essence of a place I neither knew nor understood?
A gentle spring rain began to fall, forcing me to juggle the camera, a camera bag, and a bright red square umbrella. It was awkward to say the least. Mr. Li, seeing my trouble, asked a young man in military fatigues to escort me.
My quiet escort followed me all over the property, ever careful to shield me as I shot buildings, doorways, fountains, walkways, and ponds. This was once a military compound. Chiang Kai Shek himself had lived and walked and taught here. It was once filled with soldiers who lived and died for China. Now the property was empty, save for a handful of students like my escort.
When I wasn't shooting, I asked him questions. He told me a little about his life-- here at the compound and also back at home in the mountains. His tribe had selected him and four other students, ages of 18-23, for a special education program headed up by Mr. Li to equip them with skills which they could use to help their tribes. This was his first time away from home.
His answers were polite, respectful, punctuated regularly by a shy smile. His face was soft, unhardened. There was a purity about him that moved me. I was talking to a boy, who had not (yet) been tainted or hardened by the world.
When preparing for this second trip to China, I was all too aware of my decision not to go to Pinghu. Still I wanted to see everything through the eyes of my Father. I wanted to gain more of His heart.
And so, even months later, I cannot shake the memory of a young man in military fatigues, tucked away in a forgotten corner of China-- on the brink of opportunity and eternity.
I hope we meet again.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 13
Taipei, Taiwan
China, Part 2 (April 2004)
I stumbled out of the van, disoriented and bleary-eyed from my nap. Justin leaned over and muttered, "Shoot like crazy. We'll need all the photos we can get of this place."
I forced myself to follow, assembling the Nikon D100 and shaking the cobwebs of sleep from my mind. I wasn't sure where "this place" was or what I was supposed to shoot. All I saw were empty buildings and wooded property. How was I supposed to capture the essence of a place I neither knew nor understood?
A gentle spring rain began to fall, forcing me to juggle the camera, a camera bag, and a bright red square umbrella. It was awkward to say the least. Mr. Li, seeing my trouble, asked a young man in military fatigues to escort me.
My quiet escort followed me all over the property, ever careful to shield me as I shot buildings, doorways, fountains, walkways, and ponds. This was once a military compound. Chiang Kai Shek himself had lived and walked and taught here. It was once filled with soldiers who lived and died for China. Now the property was empty, save for a handful of students like my escort.
When I wasn't shooting, I asked him questions. He told me a little about his life-- here at the compound and also back at home in the mountains. His tribe had selected him and four other students, ages of 18-23, for a special education program headed up by Mr. Li to equip them with skills which they could use to help their tribes. This was his first time away from home.
His answers were polite, respectful, punctuated regularly by a shy smile. His face was soft, unhardened. There was a purity about him that moved me. I was talking to a boy, who had not (yet) been tainted or hardened by the world.
When preparing for this second trip to China, I was all too aware of my decision not to go to Pinghu. Still I wanted to see everything through the eyes of my Father. I wanted to gain more of His heart.
And so, even months later, I cannot shake the memory of a young man in military fatigues, tucked away in a forgotten corner of China-- on the brink of opportunity and eternity.
I hope we meet again.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 13
Taipei, Taiwan
Monday, May 17, 2004
Ready to Go, Willing to Stay
"So Jesus answered and said, 'Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel's, who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time-- houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions-- and in the age to come, eternal life.'" (Mark 10:29-30)
China, Part 1
Back in February, I was offered a position at a school... in Pinghu, China.
I listened quietly, while Dr. Huang painted a verbal picture of the school, the position, the responsibilities, the perks. I kept silent, but my mind raced between the past and the future, resting in the present only to process what he was saying.
The offer turned my world upside down. What if God was calling me to go? Could I part with the things I love in Taiwan? Could I give up the ministry He's entrusted to me here? Could I bear the unknowns and pressures that may well come with this job? Could I say good-bye to my two homes-- and more importantly, to my family?
I thought and prayed and cried all weekend. Sunday morning, a verse in worship service startled me: "...Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel's, who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time..." (Mark 10:29-30) For His sake. I confess that, in our nine years of family ministry, I have wondered-- even longed-- to go off and live on my own... but for my sake. Would I be willing to give up everything I hold dear for His sake?
The Refiner's fire burned steadily yet mercifully, laying my heart bare before the eyes of my Heavenly Father. I sat down in Dad's office that afternoon, heart heavy and eyes brimming with tears. There I sobbed out my surrender to the Lord. If this offer was from Him, I was willing to follow Him-- alone-- into China.
It has been a long time since the Lord has asked me to die to something so definitely. And yet-- as He gave Isaac back to Abraham, so He gave my family and Taiwan back to me. Dad talked more with the leaders of the school and decided that this was not yet God’s time for me to go. I may go someday, but not today, not now. So why did He let me go through all that emotional trauma, if He knew I was just going to stay put? Perhaps because He is more concerned with my journey than He is with my destination. He cares more that I am willing than that I actually go. As my friend Andrea once shared, He wants to know that I am “ready to go, willing to stay.”
So stay I shall… for now.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 12
Taipei, Taiwan
China, Part 1
Back in February, I was offered a position at a school... in Pinghu, China.
I listened quietly, while Dr. Huang painted a verbal picture of the school, the position, the responsibilities, the perks. I kept silent, but my mind raced between the past and the future, resting in the present only to process what he was saying.
The offer turned my world upside down. What if God was calling me to go? Could I part with the things I love in Taiwan? Could I give up the ministry He's entrusted to me here? Could I bear the unknowns and pressures that may well come with this job? Could I say good-bye to my two homes-- and more importantly, to my family?
I thought and prayed and cried all weekend. Sunday morning, a verse in worship service startled me: "...Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel's, who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time..." (Mark 10:29-30) For His sake. I confess that, in our nine years of family ministry, I have wondered-- even longed-- to go off and live on my own... but for my sake. Would I be willing to give up everything I hold dear for His sake?
The Refiner's fire burned steadily yet mercifully, laying my heart bare before the eyes of my Heavenly Father. I sat down in Dad's office that afternoon, heart heavy and eyes brimming with tears. There I sobbed out my surrender to the Lord. If this offer was from Him, I was willing to follow Him-- alone-- into China.
It has been a long time since the Lord has asked me to die to something so definitely. And yet-- as He gave Isaac back to Abraham, so He gave my family and Taiwan back to me. Dad talked more with the leaders of the school and decided that this was not yet God’s time for me to go. I may go someday, but not today, not now. So why did He let me go through all that emotional trauma, if He knew I was just going to stay put? Perhaps because He is more concerned with my journey than He is with my destination. He cares more that I am willing than that I actually go. As my friend Andrea once shared, He wants to know that I am “ready to go, willing to stay.”
So stay I shall… for now.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 12
Taipei, Taiwan
Saturday, March 27, 2004
Don't Know Much About History... but here's what I DO know
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me..." (Psalm 23:4)
If I have children one day...
...I would tell them how, on the afternoon of March 19, 2004, Tim burst through the office door to say that President Chen had been injured by a firecracker. We later learned that it was not a firecracker, but a gunshot wound. "Assassination attempt..." screamed headlines. The government declared a national security alert.
I would tell them how, on the morning of March 20, my 93-year old Wai Gong donned his vest of many pockets, picked up his walking stick, and headed out the door to cast his vote for Ticket #2-- Lien Chan and James Soong. Why? Simple-- he knew Lien Chan's father.
I would tell them how curiosity drove me to visit the polls that afternoon. I joined a small crowd in the garage of Hsin-Yi Friendship Presbyterian and watched election volunteers reach into the ballot box and announce each vote. I would tell them how the crowd erupted, when one volunteer reader accidentally credited a vote to the wrong ticket. "How can this vote be accurate with mistakes like that?!?" The air was thick with tension.
I would tell them how all of Taiwan was glued to the television that evening-- at home, on the street, in restaurants and shops-- each person willing the number of votes for their candidate to rise. The race was nail-bitingly close.
I would tell them how President Chen and Vice President Lu won by an "hairbreadth margin" of 0.2% (~30,000 votes), how over 300,000 ballots were ruled invalid, and how the national security alert kept the military from voting. I would tell them how we listened to Candidate Lien's concession speech and how several thousand KMT supporters sat in front of the Presidential Palace for the next few days, demanding a recount.
I would tell them how politics dominated meal time conversation around the country-- even in our ABC home. Hushed rumors developed into bold questions and then outright accusations.
I would tell them how this election divided Taiwan-- and not just party against party. The division created rifts in businesses, schools, communities, churches, and even families.
If I remember all these details, I will tell them to my children and-- if I'm around long enough-- to their children. Most importantly, however, I will tell them how I had a choice to wait out the election in America. I chose to return, because I believe that my God is still in control. I believe that He is scripting His story despite the personal prejudices, mistakes, plots, and ignorance of man.
The morning of March 21, I led the choir in singing "Psalm 23." The song verbalized my reasons for coming back. The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want. I will follow Him through green pastures, beside still waters, and even into the valley of the shadow of death. I will fear no evil, for my Shepherd is with me. He will never leave me nor forsake me.
And that is what I'd want my children to know most of all.
______________________________
"And seek the peace of the city where I have caused you to be carried away captive, and pray to the LORD for it; for in its peace you will have peace." (Jeremiah 29:7)
______________________________
Photo Journal
What my Canon IXUS would tell you about the March 20 elections...
I wandered around for awhile (trying to look inconspicuous) before I found this back classroom at Ku-Ting Elementary. While a police officer watched from the doorway, two volunteer workers took turns holding up the next ballot and announcing each vote: "Number 1, 1 vote... Number 1, 1 vote... Number 2, 1 vote..."
Meanwhile, two other volunteer workers echoed each vote verbally and then marked the vote on the official tally chart.
Ballots were then sorted into three piles: Ticket #1, Ticket #2, and Invalid (ballots that were purposefully misstamped to protest both tickets).
Those who were not watching the count live gathered around the nearest television to watch the election results pour in from around the country.
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 11
Taipei, Taiwan
If I have children one day...
...I would tell them how, on the afternoon of March 19, 2004, Tim burst through the office door to say that President Chen had been injured by a firecracker. We later learned that it was not a firecracker, but a gunshot wound. "Assassination attempt..." screamed headlines. The government declared a national security alert.
I would tell them how, on the morning of March 20, my 93-year old Wai Gong donned his vest of many pockets, picked up his walking stick, and headed out the door to cast his vote for Ticket #2-- Lien Chan and James Soong. Why? Simple-- he knew Lien Chan's father.
I would tell them how curiosity drove me to visit the polls that afternoon. I joined a small crowd in the garage of Hsin-Yi Friendship Presbyterian and watched election volunteers reach into the ballot box and announce each vote. I would tell them how the crowd erupted, when one volunteer reader accidentally credited a vote to the wrong ticket. "How can this vote be accurate with mistakes like that?!?" The air was thick with tension.
I would tell them how all of Taiwan was glued to the television that evening-- at home, on the street, in restaurants and shops-- each person willing the number of votes for their candidate to rise. The race was nail-bitingly close.
I would tell them how President Chen and Vice President Lu won by an "hairbreadth margin" of 0.2% (~30,000 votes), how over 300,000 ballots were ruled invalid, and how the national security alert kept the military from voting. I would tell them how we listened to Candidate Lien's concession speech and how several thousand KMT supporters sat in front of the Presidential Palace for the next few days, demanding a recount.
I would tell them how politics dominated meal time conversation around the country-- even in our ABC home. Hushed rumors developed into bold questions and then outright accusations.
I would tell them how this election divided Taiwan-- and not just party against party. The division created rifts in businesses, schools, communities, churches, and even families.
If I remember all these details, I will tell them to my children and-- if I'm around long enough-- to their children. Most importantly, however, I will tell them how I had a choice to wait out the election in America. I chose to return, because I believe that my God is still in control. I believe that He is scripting His story despite the personal prejudices, mistakes, plots, and ignorance of man.
The morning of March 21, I led the choir in singing "Psalm 23." The song verbalized my reasons for coming back. The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want. I will follow Him through green pastures, beside still waters, and even into the valley of the shadow of death. I will fear no evil, for my Shepherd is with me. He will never leave me nor forsake me.
And that is what I'd want my children to know most of all.
______________________________
"And seek the peace of the city where I have caused you to be carried away captive, and pray to the LORD for it; for in its peace you will have peace." (Jeremiah 29:7)
______________________________
Photo Journal
What my Canon IXUS would tell you about the March 20 elections...
I wandered around for awhile (trying to look inconspicuous) before I found this back classroom at Ku-Ting Elementary. While a police officer watched from the doorway, two volunteer workers took turns holding up the next ballot and announcing each vote: "Number 1, 1 vote... Number 1, 1 vote... Number 2, 1 vote..."
Meanwhile, two other volunteer workers echoed each vote verbally and then marked the vote on the official tally chart.
Ballots were then sorted into three piles: Ticket #1, Ticket #2, and Invalid (ballots that were purposefully misstamped to protest both tickets).
Those who were not watching the count live gathered around the nearest television to watch the election results pour in from around the country.______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 11
Taipei, Taiwan
Saturday, February 14, 2004
I Can't Be Your Valentine
"May He remember all your offerings, and accept your burnt sacrifice. Selah. May He grant you according to your heart's desire, and fulfill all your purpose." (Psalm 20:3-4)
Confession: Three years ago, someone asked my father for permission to court me. For various reasons (which I will explain later), I never gave him a definite answer. In December, I received the dreaded phone call: I had one day to decide what I had allowed to sit on the back burner for three years-- was I going to give this courtship a chance?
How does a girl decide the rest of her life in just 24 hours? How does she know if her concept of love and marriage is shaped by God's Word or merely the influence and experiences of others? How does she know if what she wants is God's will or her own-- or if the two might be the same?
My mind reeled with these questions and more as I considered why I'd say yes and why I hadn't said yes, why I'd say no and why I hadn't said no. I talked to my family and a few close friends. Most importantly, however, I brought the matter before my Heavenly Father. If this was a match made in heaven, I had to know for sure; and only He could show me.
Long story short, I had several reasons for saying no, but I had one reason for not saying no-- and that is what sealed my decision. That night, the Holy Spirit sifted through my questions and brought me face to face with the ugly truth: I had hung onto this possible courtship for fear of never receiving a "better offer" (yes, thank you, Jane Austen, for likening marriage to a rare business opportunity). In saying no, I had to reconcile myself to the possibility of staying single for the rest of my life. Could I be content with that? Could I surrender my marriage to the Lord as a "burnt sacrifice"?
In the darkness of that night, my spiritual commitment to wait for God's best took on flesh and bones. If I was going to trust God to give me His best, I could not hold on to anything less. Yes, the world oft times reminds me that the pool of good men is shrinking. I believe, however, that if someone was not intended for me (no matter how good he may be), my "prospects" were not shrinking but narrowing. If the Lord scripted marriage for my life, I can be certain that He is bringing us closer day by day... whether I know him now or not.
And so, my friends, I have found peace in saying no. I'll continue this journey of Singleness as long as it is God's best for me. And as long as it's His plan for you, you will never be alone.
______________________________
"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matthew 6:33-34)
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 10
Taipei, Taiwan
Confession: Three years ago, someone asked my father for permission to court me. For various reasons (which I will explain later), I never gave him a definite answer. In December, I received the dreaded phone call: I had one day to decide what I had allowed to sit on the back burner for three years-- was I going to give this courtship a chance?
How does a girl decide the rest of her life in just 24 hours? How does she know if her concept of love and marriage is shaped by God's Word or merely the influence and experiences of others? How does she know if what she wants is God's will or her own-- or if the two might be the same?
My mind reeled with these questions and more as I considered why I'd say yes and why I hadn't said yes, why I'd say no and why I hadn't said no. I talked to my family and a few close friends. Most importantly, however, I brought the matter before my Heavenly Father. If this was a match made in heaven, I had to know for sure; and only He could show me.
Long story short, I had several reasons for saying no, but I had one reason for not saying no-- and that is what sealed my decision. That night, the Holy Spirit sifted through my questions and brought me face to face with the ugly truth: I had hung onto this possible courtship for fear of never receiving a "better offer" (yes, thank you, Jane Austen, for likening marriage to a rare business opportunity). In saying no, I had to reconcile myself to the possibility of staying single for the rest of my life. Could I be content with that? Could I surrender my marriage to the Lord as a "burnt sacrifice"?
In the darkness of that night, my spiritual commitment to wait for God's best took on flesh and bones. If I was going to trust God to give me His best, I could not hold on to anything less. Yes, the world oft times reminds me that the pool of good men is shrinking. I believe, however, that if someone was not intended for me (no matter how good he may be), my "prospects" were not shrinking but narrowing. If the Lord scripted marriage for my life, I can be certain that He is bringing us closer day by day... whether I know him now or not.
And so, my friends, I have found peace in saying no. I'll continue this journey of Singleness as long as it is God's best for me. And as long as it's His plan for you, you will never be alone.
______________________________
"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matthew 6:33-34)
______________________________
Soul Lemonade, No. 10
Taipei, Taiwan
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